The Katara Comedy
by ParodyBro
Summary: Katara thought that she was normal girl, who was just lucky enough to have the Avatar as her boyfriend. That was before she could read minds. Now, she's figured out that she is the secret lust object for every male she's ever come in contact with. And we mean every male. One-Shot. Rated T for language. Don't let that stop you though...


**A/N: This is a parody. Don't take anything here seriously. If you're not used to parodies or crack-fics, leave. Also, this fic goes great if you have 'Wonderful' by Cunninlynguists playing on repeat.**

**Disclaimer: I do not ATLA**

* * *

Katara used to think she was a normal girl who was just lucky enough to have the Avatar as her boyfriend.

That was before she could read minds.

Now she's figured out that she is the secret lust object for every male she's ever come in contact with.

It all started after the conclusion of a particularly nasty argument with Aang over some stupid nonsense that he did. Katara really couldn't remember the details, but she recalls storming out of the spat, wishing that she knew what went on in a man's thick skull.

It had been on the night of the full moon, so Katara wasn't really surprised to find the spirit of Yue hanging around the duck pond in Zuko's Palace; her favorite place to vent in these situations. However, spirits rarely made an appearance in Katara's presence whenever Aang wasn't around, so that only meant one thing. Yue had seen her and Aang fighting, and she was here to offer Katara some worthless advice. After all, that's the _only_ kind of advice spirits offer.

"Hello, Yue," Katara muttered. "I suppose you're here to pity me."

Katara usually wouldn't have been so biting to an old friend, but she was in a foul mood. That's all the excuse she needed.

"Not really," Yue replied, shrugging off Katara's rude tone. "I'm actually here to ask if there's anything you want-"

_Anything you want_. Those were the words that broke the dam. The dam, in this case, being Katara's uncontrolled rage.

"You know what I want, Yue? I want men to actually _think_ about their actions for once! It's like they never think things through! It's like they never think _at all_! Is it so hard for them to tame their natural preference for recklessness? Is it so hard for them to actually use their _brains_? Maybe if I knew what they were thinking, I could stop their stupid stunts before they do them! Because each time they do something idiotic, _I_ have to be the one who sets them straight, which makes _me_ the bad guy and then _they_ think that _I'm_ losing it! But I'm not! I'M COMPLETELY CALM!"

Poor Yue, who only wanted to ask Katara if there was anything she wanted in her honor for the upcoming Southern Watertribe Parade, was now sucked into Katara's dilemma. Worst of all, the only thing she had to offer was useless advice, which Yue knew was the _only_ type of advice she could offer as a spirit. But maybe this time she wouldn't give advice, maybe she could give something different...

"Er, okay Katara. I've heard your, ah, _rant_, and I've chosen to grant your wish."

Yue said that with enough confidence, but in truth, she was wondering how she would pull this off. There was absolutely _nothing_ in _Learning How To Be A Spirit 101_ that covered what she was about to do.

_Oh well_, Yue thought. _Here goes nothing_.

Princess Yue stretched her hands out towards Katara, and concentrated on her lunar powers. Within moments, the dark skinned waterbender was surrounded by a shaft of silvery moonlight. Then it faded.

"Well?" Katara asked. "What did you do to me? What happens now?"

Yue floated around nervously. "To be honest, I don't know how this whole _'granting a wish_' thing works. I don't even know if I did it right. I could've turned you into a firebender for all I know."

Katara paled.

Yue mentally facepalmed. _Why would I say that? I should probably calm her down before she starts bitching._

"I was just kidding, Katara," Yue lied. "You should start seeing the effects after you wake up in the morning."

Hopefully.

"What effects, Yue?"

By now, the Moon Spirit was sure that she wouldn't able to lie to her friend any longer, so she made for a quick escape.

"Sorry, Katara! That cloud is starting to cover the moon! I gotta go. Bye!"

And Yue was gone in a flash.

Katara found that strange, as the cloud Yue claimed was threatening to cover the moon, was at least 7 miles away.

* * *

The next morning, Katara was patiently awaiting for Yue's promised 'effects'. She had wished for so much last night, that she couldn't even take a proper guess at what Yue may have granted. The truth, however, didn't hesitate in revealing itself.

It happened during breakfast. Aang had characteristically given Katara a public apology for whatever he did, and then topped it off by giving her a trashy handmade necklace that he fashioned out of wood. The gift sucked, but it was the thought that counted...okay, nevermind. The thought sucked, too. Nobody wants a crappily made necklace as a make-up present.

That's when Katara heard the voice in her head. It was Aang's voice.

_Wow_, the voice said, _Katara's breasts are getting bigger each day. So is her butt. Is that normal? Are they supposed to get bigger? Spirits, I don't even care. I just wish she wasn't wearing any clothes. _

Katara's gaze snapped from her food, to her boyfriend. But Aang hadn't said anything. His mouth was filled with fireflakes, so he _couldn't_ have said anything. But yet, she was _still_ hearing Aang's voice in her head.

_I probaby shouldn't be thinking of Katara naked,_ the voice continued, _I'm a monk, after all. But I can't help it! Whenever I think about it, I get this exciting feeling in my lower- _

Katara put her hands on her ears and shut the voice out.

She couldn't be hearing this.

Aang was a sweet and sensitive kid. There was no way that this voice was actually him.

_That's it!_ Said the voice._ One day, I will see Katara naked, or my name isn't Aang, the Avatar! _

Well, Katara had been wrong before.

"Hey, Katara?" It was Suki. She looked concerned. "Is there something wrong? You look kinda dazed."

Katara was _beyond_ dazed.

"I'm fine, Suki. Just a little tired, is all."

But then she flinched. A voice had entered her head again, but it wasn't Aang this time. It sounded like Zuko.

_Damn, Katara is looking beyond sexy today. I wonder if she and Aang are doing it yet? Probably not, considering that Aang hasn't even hit puberty yet. He probably doesn't even know what sex is. I wish I could show her how a man does it. Screw it. If I could, I would lay Katara down on this table right now, strip her bare, and ride her till she-_

Katara almost screamed. What was she _hearing_? Could this _really_ be Zuko?

She glanced at him.

Zuko was at the head of the table, wearing his customary royal robes with his hair tied back. It didn't look like he had said anything. Cautiously, Katara opened her mind back up.

Zuko's voice had _still_ not finished its dirty description on what it would do to Katara if she was lying bare on the table.

_-then I would turn her around, give her a butt a slap for good measure, and then proceed to pound her- _

Katara quickly closed her mind. She absolutely did _not_ want to hear the rest of that sentence.

* * *

Breakfast had passed, and now Katara was playing a novice game of Pai Sho with Suki. Sokka and Iroh were the spectators.

In all honesty, Katara thought that Pai Sho was a shitty game, but Iroh's urging unraveled her, and now she was playing a losing match. It was Suki's play now, and Katara's tired mind let its guard down.

That's how voices started again. This time it was Iroh.

_Being around these young people make me think back to the times when I was their age. In fact, back in my day, I was quite the lady killer. Kids nowadays don't know what it takes to be a player or a pimp. I would've had a nice girl like Katara on her knees and sucking on my long, hard- _

Katara jerked forward. These voices in her head were crossing the line.

Aang's voice had been shocking, yet understandable as he was her boyfriend.

Zuko's voice had been vulgar, vivid, and _completely_ inappropriate considering that Katara and The Fire Lord were only close friends. At the same time it was kind of hot.

Hearing Iroh's voice say such things about her was just disgusting. How could it get any worse?

_Man_, said a new voice in Katara's head. It sounded like Sokka._Even though Katara is my little sister, I can't deny the fact that a threesome with her and Suki would be the hottest thing in the world. _

Katara gagged hard. What in the _fuck_ had she just heard? Was her brother nurturing thoughts of incest? That scared her, because Sokka was a rough guy. What if he got horny one day and decided to rape her?

"Katara!" It was Suki, again. "Are you choking!?"

"I don't have a gag reflex! I can breathe through my nose!"

"Katara, what is _wrong_ with you?"

Katara blushed. All of the sexual conversation going on in her head made her say something _completely_ inappropriate.

"Sorry Suki! I was...I was sleeping! And I had a bad dream!"

Sokka raised an eyebrow._ "Oh yeah?_ What exactly were you dreaming about? Because based on what you just said, you were having a dream about sucking di-"

_"Shut up, Sokka!_ I was having a dream about, uh...living underwater. Yea! That's why I was choking!"

"That doesn't explain why you said that you could breathe through your nose."

"I didn't say that!"

"Yes you-"

"I said _shut up_, Sokka!"

Sokka submitted, but in his mind, a certain boyfriend who was the Avatar, entered his Kill List.

Katara, on the other hand, was freaking out.

Why was everbody hitting on her? Why did every male want to screw her? She wasn't even _that_ pretty, and she _definitely_ didn't even come _close_ to being the sexiest woman in the world...Or at least, that's what _she_ thought.

Suddenly, Katara had an epiphany.

Last night, she had told Yue that she wished she knew what men were thinking so she could stop their idiotic stunts before they actually did them.

Yue had a granted a wish.

Yue had given her the power to read minds.

Katara sighed. Maybe the saying was true. Maybe, men only thought about sex. Or maybe, they only thought about sex when _she_ was around.

**A/N: If you liked this, then you also might like my Percy Jackson and The Olympians Comedy. **


End file.
